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Die Inshurance Business A serio-comic drama in the Pennsylvania German vernacular, "as she is spoke" in the German districts of Pennsylvania

Die Inshurance Business
A serio-comic drama in the Pennsylvania German vernacular, "as she is spoke" in the German districts of Pennsylvania
Title: Die Inshurance Business A serio-comic drama in the Pennsylvania German vernacular, "as she is spoke" in the German districts of Pennsylvania
Release Date: 2018-04-25
Type book: Text
Copyright Status: Public domain in the USA.
Date added: 27 March 2019
Count views: 49
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Transcriber’s Note: Obvious printer’s errors, such as inconsistentspelling of the characters’ names, have been corrected.

[1]

DIE INSHURANCE BUSINESS.

A SERIO-COMIC DRAMA
IN THE
PENNSYLVANIA GERMAN VERNACULAR,
“AS SHE IS SPOKE”
IN THE GERMAN DISTRICTS OF PENNSYLVANIA.

BY
E. GRUMBINE, M. D.,
MT. ZION, PA.

PRICE, 20 CENTS.
Sent Post-paid by the Author on Receipt of Price. Sold also by
J. A. DeHuff, Bookseller, Lebanon, Pa.

PRESS OF
Report Publishing Co., Ltd.
Lebanon, Pa.


[2]

CHARACTERS.

Yokle Brownschweiger and Frany Brownschweiger,—Anelderly couple with a debt on their farm.

Sallie Brownschweiger,—Their daughter.

Old Grandmother Aunshitz,—Mrs. Brownschweiger’smother; a “good subject,” old and sickly, ratherdeaf.

Henner Hoffman,—An old neighbor who believes in thegood old times of “Lang Syne.”

Wm. Shwinefelt,—Insurance agent for the Yubee Co. andother wild cat life insurance companies.

Augustus Eslinger,—A young store clerk of the village.Sallie’s lover and Shwinefelt’s rival.

Dr. Fraud,—Examining physician for the Yubee Co.

Abe Brownschweiger and Ike Brownschweiger,—Sallie’sbrothers, school boys.

Yokle ought to have about three yards of plaited cornhusk, i. e., half of an unsewed door mat, and, as the curtainrises he is plaiting, seated on a stool or chair, whileIke picks corn husks out of a basket and hands them tohis “dawdy” as the latter needs them. Perhaps a spinningwheel for Frany would be better than sewing, ordarning big woolen stockings. The costumes ought tobe suitable. For Yokle, Frany and the rest of the family,farmers’ ordinary clothes, but not ragged nor dirty.Shwinefelt should be loudly dressed—large stand up collarwith a red necktie, big cuffs, etc. Gust, like a clerk,not quite so flashy. Sally ought to be the well dressedbeauty of the play.


[3]

DIE INSHURANCE BUSINESS.

ACT I.

Scene I.Brownschweiger’s sitting-room and kitchen. Afamily scene. Yokle smoking pipe and plaiting corn huskmat. Ike on the right picking and handing husks tohim. Frany, in the center sewing, dressed in cap andwhite handkerchief pinned across her breast. On left,Grandmother Aunshitz in huge white cap and spectaclesseated in arm-chair, scraping an apple and eatingit. To her left, Sallie crocheting. Seated on the floor tothe left, Abe is covering a ball. Empty chair betweenYokle and Frany. Grandmother coughs a great deal.

Yokle. Hurry up Ike und mach die wish net so dick.War der huxliter hide do, mam?

Frany. Yaw, den nu’midag.

Yokle. Wie feel hen die oyer und der butter g’macht?

Frany. Der butter is yusht 14 and die oyer yusht 16.Und du waisht das dee hinkle net orrig layia by demkolta wedder. Alles tsomma hut yusht $1.92 g’macht,und des mus ich hovva. Dee Sallie mus en Polenay unden hat hovva und—

Abe. O yaw, sell is der wake. Dee Sallie mus alleshovva und ich mus worta. Der shool-maishter hot hiteweeder g’saut ich set en neyee cheeografee greega.

Ike. Yaw, dad, und ich mus en mental hovva.

Yokle. Hob ich net neyee bicher grickt letsht winter?

Abe. Yaw, ovver sie missa widder all neyee greegaden winter.

Yokle. Well, boova, ich kan eich ken neyee bicherkaufa shun widder. (Granny coughs.)

Frany. Horich! ’skomt ebber. Wos net alles drunnerund drivver. (Bustles about and dusts chairs.)

(Enter Henner Hoffman. Granny coughs.)

Hoffman. Good novet!

Yokle and Frany. Denky! Nem der’n sitz, Henner.(He seats himself near Granny.)

[4]

Hoffman. Kalt wedder.

Yokle. Yaw, ’sis mechtig kalt.

Frany. Dee kelt hot aw so free awgfanga den winter.

Hoffman. Yaw! (To Granny in a loud voice.) Weemacht’s by eich als?

Granny. Feicht draus, is es? (Coughs.) I ich hobnet g’wist os es ebbes runner macht!

Hoffman. (Louder.) Nay ich hob g’froagt wie deeraw kommt. Sider als g’sund.

Granny. O, nay, ich bin shlecht—greislich shlecht.Ich hob evva den orriga hushta (coughs) un wer so eng.Und no bin ich so shlecht uf mina baw! Ich bin evvaolt—hair aw so shlecht!

Hoffman. Yaw, du guksht shlecht!

Granny. Was? (Coughs.)

Hoffman. (Louder.) I, ich sawg du guksht alendig!

Granny. Yaw, du awe! (Coughs.)

Hoffman. (Turning to Yokle.) Ich say der side busy?

Frany. Yaw, ich hab na gsaut sie missa shoobutzerflechta oder sie derfa mir nimmy ins house met eeradrekicha shtiffle.

Yokle. Yaw, ’sdate note mer date dawg und nachtshoffa and ’swill doch net longa naryets. Bis dee wibeslitedee fashions noche g’macht hen und dee boova hen ollywinter onnery bicher, bleibt ke cent ivverich bis es yorerum is.

Hoffman. Ich will der evva sawga wees is, Yokle.Sis nimme wee es war for olders. Dee tzeida sin nimmewee see waura. Ich mane evva 'swair noch 'sbesht wonde fry shoola net in der gong komma wara. Wee ich indee shool gonga bin, zum olda Stoffle Bender, drunna insFeeser’s Shpringhouse, do hut mer nix gevist fun dennasacha woo see olla wile in de shoola hen. Do hut merlarna bushtaweera, no hut mer glasa im Teshtament oderPsalter, and dee woo rechla und shriva hen wella dee henkenna, oder hens kenna bliva lossa. Swor noch en frylond sella mole.

Abe. Hen see kay cheeografees g’shtudied sella zeit?

Ike. Und kay Mental?

Hoffman. Nix fun der ort. Und es hut shmarterymenner und weiver gevva os es olla wile dute.

Sallie. Yaw, ovver sella mole het der kay telagraphund kay rigglewake kot und—

[5]

Abe. Und kay may machine.

Yokle. Abe, holt dy moul (Granny coughs.)

Hoffman. All sellie dinga het mer aw allewile bessernet. Wy dee ferdifelda cars hen mer dee woch widderen kolp dode g’fawra!

Abe. (Aside.) Sis shaud os es net der alt ux selwertwar!

Yokle.—Yaw, es mawg sei. Dee lite hen aw glaibtsell zeit. (Works at mat.)

Hoffman. Besser os allewile. Sella zeit hot mer derdrom greega kenna for en levvy dee quart oder dry centder drunk. Now wella see aim en gons week shtimmadas der orm mon ken may drinka darf. Sell is dee fryhiteg’numma.

Frany. Well, for selly fryhite bin ich net. Sgate dirwee em Irisha woo sy mommy dote gshlawga hut, weesee en henka hen wella hut er gsawt, “Sgait neemondnix awe, swaur my aig’ny mommy, und sis en fry lond!”

Yokle. (To Ike.) Mach dee wish net so dick, Ike.Yaw, du husht recht, Henner. Won en mon en whiskydrinka will, don lus em dee fryhite ains zu nemma oder net.

Sallie. Won der mon’s brouch, don brouch sy frawes aw. Won du gsuffa musht warra, don mus dy oldyBetsy awe. Wee datsht du sell gleicha zu sana, Henner?

Granny. (Coughs.) Ich mus drum widder hushta!

Hoffman. I konsht du don nix greega for dy hushta?

Granny. Was?

Hoffman. (Louder.) Konsht nix usa for dy hushta?

Granny. I ich hob fom Redsecker seim “Balsom deOltor” gnunima, und der Yokle hut mer mole en buttlefom Ross seim “Cod Liver Oil—ale” gebrucht, ovver’shut kanes ken ousgekouter chaw duwak gebot (coughs).No is awe mul sone rumlafer do hair kumma und hot meren buttle Humberger oder humbug droppa ferkauft—eshut awe nix gebot. Sell wor yusht so en lotwerk bree.

Hoffman. Ich wase won meer dee yora als es koltso kot hen, hen meer uns tay gekucht und den dicksees g’macht mit browner zucker.

Ike. (Aside.) Ich wet liever der zucker lanich!

Frany. Ich moch 'ra oily owet tay!

Granny. I, ich drink tay! Olly owet en kuply fondem Awdorn tay.

Hoffman. Sell is en fustraiter tay. My Betsy dut olsnoch a wenig mutter-kraut dazu, und a wenig gletta worzel,[6]und a wenig shoferibba, und a wenig gricka balsam,und a wenig rusmarye—dess kucht see recht shtork undno mocht see en lot fooswasser, do dut see ols en gootyhondful fish-solz dazu, note gait see ney mit de fees bison dee gnee, und sell cured der hushta!

Abe. Ich wet ovver ferdultsy leever der hushta hovvaos wee so en cure nemma.

(Ike falls asleep when Yokle shakes him.)

Yokle. Shlofe net do, Ike!

Frany. I, won er so shlafrig is, gebt es uf bis enonner owet und lus de boova in eera bet gay. Sallie, holeder grossmommy eera tay, no kon see aw gay.

Sallie. Yes, ma’am! (Exit.)

Yokle. Well, ick denk mer shtuppa es don. Do,doo den korb nous, boova, und der shoobutzer. (Ikeand Abe exeunt with basket, etc.)

Sallie. (Enters with a teacup in a saucer.) Do, mommy,is ira bittera tay. Er is ferleicht zu hais.

Hoffman. O! wee haiser, wee besser. (Grannycoughs.)

Granny. (Drinks.) Ich denk ich gay awe in’s bet,und won der Henner mol fort is, ken deer aw gay. Hender don dee deera all g’shlussa?

Yokle. Yaw, mir tenda zu sellem.

Granny. (Coughs.) Ich wot dee nocht war witterrum.

(Exits, assisted by Frany who also exits.)

Sallie. (Aside.) Ich wunner won der old Hoffmanfort will! Ich expect der Gust noch den ovet. Er hutg’saut er kaimt won see der shtore zu hetta. Ich will ufder shpeicher, gucka ep noch licht im shtore is. (Exits.)

Hoffman. Now, wile mer lay sin mus ich der sawgaferwas ich rivver komma bin. Ich mus sell gelt hovva bisfree yore.

Yokle. Yaw, und ich hop kens. Es kosht mich feelund du waisht dee frucht holt bol nix. Alles was ich ufmacha kon mus ich in dee inshurance cumpany bezawla.Du waisht ich hob en policy uf dem olda Yark Heverling.Won seller mol nivver ginkt, kent ich dich gonz bezawla,und het noch iverich.

Hoffman. Yaw, dar löbt so long os du. Uf sellemsy leicht kon ich net worta. Du gebsht meer en judgmentnote oder mortgage uf en yore und no well mer’s so lossa.

[7]

Yokle. Sell doon ich net garn.

Hoffman. Judgment oder’s gelt will ich hovva!

Yokle. Well, loss mer zeit for decida bis dee naikshtwoch.

Hoffman. Yaw, well. Won ich deer der Shreefshicka date graicht ich judgment, ovver sell date kushtamacha.

Yokle. Well, won ich ken $2,000 ousmacha kon, donmus ich der judgment gevva bis dee naiksht woch.

Hoffman. Well, don daita mer’s so mocha. Goodnocht. (Exit.)

Yokle. So wite is es! Mer maint es kent net sy!War sheer shulda fry g’vest finf yore zurick, don bin ichin dee inshurance speklation gonga, und ich bin ols weiderny komma. Und now mus ich judgment gevva oderassignee mocha. (Pause, starts up and walks.) Wonyusht der olt Heverling dote gingt!

(Exit with lamp. Lights down. Stage dark.)

Gust Eslinger. (Sings outside. Instrumental accompaniment.Air: “Was hat Deutschland zu Erwarten.”)

“Liebstes Schätschen, nun vor allen,
Könnt ich immer bei dir sein,
Thu’st am besten mir gefallen,
Soll’st auch meine liebste sein!”

(Enter Sallie slowly with lamp in her hand, turneddown low.)

Gust (sings)—

“Bist mir schöner als die Blumen,
Bist mir süsser als der Wein!
Ach könnt ich doch zu dir kommen,
Könnt ich immer bei dir sein!”

(Sallie places lamp on table, opens door. Gust enters,takes both her hands and they come down.)

Gust. Es wor mer so bong ich graicht dich nimmyzu sana. Ich hob dei licht in deina shtup g’sana, no hobich geglaubt du warsht shun in’s bed.

Sallie. Yaw, es is aw zeit os du drin warsht. Ichhob nimmy on dich gadenkt den ovet.

Gust. Aw, kom now, sell is net so. Du husht dergonz ovet gaguckt for mich. Ich hop eppes gabrucht.Muldo! (Opens a paper parcel and displays candy. Theyseat themselves and he places it in her lap.) Waisht nochsell olt rhymely?

[8]

“The rose is red, the violet’s blue,
Candy is sweet, and so are you!” (Kisses her.)

Sallie. Shemsht dich net? Wid dy ivver-ruck netous du?

Gust. O, yo sell will ich. (Takes off overcoat and hat.Sallie hangs them up. He places chairs courting fashion.He turns lamp very low.)

Sallie. Net so nidder! Du machsts ous!

Gust. Won’s ous gait, mawgs! (They seat themselves.He puts his arms around her and—the curtain falls.)

Scene II.

Front yard of farm house. Pump, haystacks, etc. EnterYokle and Shwinefelt. Yokle carries a shovel, slouch haton, pants tucked in boots. Shwinefelt in “loud” businesssuit—third rate style—stand up collar, etc. Both entertalking.

Shwinefelt. Du waisht dee zeit is uf.

Yokle. Ich wase by henk net wos zu du! Es gelthob ich net und ich ferleer doch net garn was ich neibazahlt hob.

Shwine. Well, husht nix zu ferkaufa?

Yokle.

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