Twentieth Century Culture and Deportment Or the lady and gentleman at home and abroad. Etc, etc.
Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected. Variationsin hyphenation and accents have been standardised but all otherspelling and punctuation remains unchanged.
There are several illustrations of visiting and invitation cards in thebook. An appendix has been added containing the plain text of these.
The cover has been created by the transcriber and is placed in thepublic domain.
CULTURE and DEPORTMENT
OR THE LADY AND GENTLEMAN
AT HOME AND ABROAD
RULES OF ETIQUETTE FOR ALL OCCASIONS, INCLUDING
CALLS; INVITATIONS; PARTIES; WEDDINGS; RECEPTIONS;
DINNERS AND TEAS; ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET;
PUBLIC PLACES, ETC., ETC.
COMPLETE GUIDE TO SELF-CULTURE
THE ART OF DRESSING WELL; CONVERSATION; COURTSHIP;
ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN; LETTER-WRITING;
ARTISTIC HOME AND INTERIOR
MAUD C. COOKE
The Well-Known and Popular Author.
EMBELLISHED WITH SUPERB PHOTOTYPE ENGRAVINGS
NATIONAL PUBLISHING COMPANY
239, 241 and 243 American Street
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1899, by
J. R. JONES,
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C.
All Rights Reserved.
There is much truth and force in the old sayingthat “Manners make the man.” All personsshould know how to appear to the best advantagein polite society. This very attractivevolume furnishes rules of etiquette for all occasions,and is a complete guide for daily use inall matters pertaining to social intercourse.
The first department treats of Introductionsand Salutations. The rules given under thishead are those constantly observed in the best society. The same isequally true of all the instructions throughout the book, which is themost complete work on this subject ever issued.
The next department treats of the very important Art of Conversation.It has been said, with truth, that “a good talker is always asocial success.” The reader is here taught how to converse agreeablyand with ease. To be a bright, witty, interesting talker, is a mostcharming accomplishment. This volume is a help in this respect, thevalue of which cannot be overestimated.
Visiting Cards and Customs are next treated, and all the perplexingquestions which they occasion are fully answered. With this verycomprehensive volume at hand, no person will be guilty of blundersand humiliating mistakes.
Invitations, Formal and Informal, Acceptances and Regrets, formanother topic. The work furnishes full information and is authorityupon all matters of social etiquette.
All young persons, and some older ones, are deeply interested inthe Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage, Weddings and WeddingAnniversaries. These subjects are treated in a manner at once practicaland instructive.
The usages of the best society in giving Parties, Dinners, Teas,Receptions, Breakfasts, Luncheons, etc., are minutely described. Also,Home Etiquette and Etiquette for Children. With this volume in thehome, parents can easily teach the young polite and winning manners.
Miscellaneous Entertainments form a department that is bright andivsparkling. The dark side of life is not overlooked, Etiquette ofFunerals forming a separate topic. How the young lady should“come out” is stated in full, with invaluable instructions to herparents and herself.
Then we come to Etiquette of Public Places, followed by that ofWalking, Riding, Boating, Driving, etc. Etiquette for Bicycle Ridersreceives full attention. Here are Hints for Travelers, for Hostess andGuest, General Etiquette and Delsarte Discipline, Musicales, Soirées,Lawn Parties, etc. Washington Etiquette is described and all theproper titles for professional and public men are given.
The Art of Dress receives exhaustive treatment, and the rules tobe observed by those who would dress tastefully are very complete.They who are well dressed have already made a favorable impressionupon others. Suggestions and rules upon this subject are importantto all who would shine in social life.
Letter-Writing makes constant demands upon nearly all persons,yet its difficulties are perplexing. Here are plain directions upon thissubject, which should be studied and followed by all who would succeedin the great art of elegant correspondence. It is essential oftento have the best Forms for Letters, happily expressed, choice in theuse of words and easy and correct in grammatical construction.
Artistic Home Decorations are fully treated, showing how to havea pretty, tasteful and inviting home at least expense. This subjectis receiving great attention everywhere, and this delightful volumeshould be in every household in the land, as it furnishes just theinformation needed. Fireplaces and Windows, Stairways, Woodwork,Doors, Lighting, Decorating, Furniture and Paintings, are among thetopics treated in this part of the volume.
In short, this work is a treasury of rules and information on everysubject of Social Etiquette, Self-Culture and Home Life.
An entirely new and very important feature is the beautiful PhototypeEngravings in rich colors. The publishers consider themselvesfortunate in being able to present these new and admirable embellishments,which have been pronounced gems of art.
|The Essence of Etiquette||17|
|Introductions and Salutations||23|
|Art of Conversation||37|
|Invitations, Formal and Informal||83|
|Acceptances and Regrets||107|
|Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage||116|
|Weddings and Wedding Anniversaries||143|
|Etiquette for Children||180|
|Evening Parties, Receptions and Suppers||227|
|Balls, Dancing and Masquerades||241|
|Soirées, Musicales and Lawn Parties||261|
|viBreakfasts, Luncheons and Teas||274|
|Christenings, Confirmations and Graduations||315|
|Etiquette of Funerals and Mourning||323|
|Etiquette of Public Places||328|
|Walking, Riding, Boating, Driving||334|
|Art of Dress||388|
|Colors and Complexions||398|
|Dress for Special Occasions||408|
|Forms for Letters||452|
|Artistic Home Decorations||467|
|How to be Beautiful||492|
Appendix: Texts of Visiting and Invitation Cards
The Essence of Etiquette.
The old chronicler says, “Mannersmaketh man.” “Manners are notthe character, but they are thedress of character,” adds a modernwriter. Manners are not the puregold of the mind, but they set themint stamp upon the crude oreand fit it for circulation, and fewthere be who may dare to set asidetheir valuation. To genius only isthis privilege granted, and geniusis exceeding rare.
It should be remembered that more people cangive the list of Dr. Samuel Johnson’s sins againstgood manners than can quote from his “Rasselas” and “Rambler,”while there will always be more who can descant upon the selfish,tyrannical ill-breeding of Thomas Carlyle than can estimate the valueand immensity of his literary labors.
The essence of all etiquette will be found in that Golden Rule fromHoly Writ that enjoins upon us to “do unto others as we would thatthey should do unto us,” and whereon Lord Chesterfield based hismaxim for the cultivation of manners:
“Observe carefully what pleases or displeases you in others, and bepersuaded that, in general, the same things will please or displeasethem in you.”
The social code, even in its smallest particulars, is the outgrowthof a kindly regard for the feelings of others, even in the little thingsof life, and a kindly sympathy for all that interests your companions.
“Be hospitable toward the ideas of others,” says Dr. George Ripley,“Some people,” he asserts, “only half listen to you, because they areconsidering, even while you speak, with what wealth of wit they willreply.” Such people may be brilliant, but they can never be agreeable.You feel that they are impatient to have their own turn come,and have none of the gentle receptiveness so pleasing to our own egothat rebels against their egotism.
It is the kind and sympathetic soul that wins friends, and
Our first impressions of a man are impressions of his manners. Wedesignate him from the first glimpse of his face, first sound of hisvoice, as an affable, agreeable and sincere individual; or as crabbed,cross-grained and suspicious in his temperament, and are attracted by,or repelled from him, according to the characteristics with which hismanners have clothed him.
The Influence of Good Manners.
So potent is this power exercised over the world by the gentle swayof manners that their possession is worthy the cultivation and care weput forth for the attainment of all gracious, pleasant things, and totheir possessor is given the key to which all doors open.
Emerson was one of the most acute observers of manners thatculture has ever produced, and he wrote: “The longer I live themore I am impressed with the importance of manners. When wereflect upon their persuasive and cheering force, how they recommend,prepare and draw people together; when we think what keys they are,and to what secrets; what high and inspiring character they convey,and what divination is required of us for the reading of this fine telegraphy,we see what range the subject has.”
Manners, with some, are the gracious legacy of inheritance, educationand environment; with others they are the growth of the careful19cultivation of years, and carry with them the calm self-poise of theman who has conquered circumstances and established his ownposition. In such as these there inheres a certain power that impressesitself upon all who come in contact with its influence.
The self-possession and certainty stamped upon the face of a manwho inherited, or won for himself, the sure and perfect armor of good-breeding,is but the outer stamp of the man himself.
Manners are profitable as well as pleasant. They carry with thema measureless weight of influence. A gentleman once brought into hislibrary a costly subscription book. “My dear,” said his wife, “youalready had a copy of that work.” “I knew I did,” he replied, “butthe manners of the lad who sold it were so elegant that it was apleasure to purchase it.”
The charm of good manners is not a qualification belonging to anyparticular station in life, for, to the poor and unlettered oftimes maybe traced deeds and actions that mark them as nature’s noblemen.Education, wealth and social station do not always confer them, butthe outer grace may be acquired by all.
In this way it has come to be known that a refinement of laws inany country indicates that a gradual refinement of manners has led uptowards, and finally crystallized into a refinement of the hearts and thelaws of the people.
The Marks of True Politeness.
True politeness is always known by its lack of assumption. PresidentTyler, in