The Book of Friendship_ A Little Manual of Comradeship
The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Book of Friendship, by Reginald WrightKauffman
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United Statesand most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost norestrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use itunder the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with thiseBook or online at
Title: The Book of Friendship
A Little Manual of Comradeship
Author: Reginald Wright Kauffman
Release Date: June 27, 2018 [eBook #57409]
Language: English
Character set encoding: UTF-8
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BOOK OF FRIENDSHIP***
E-text prepared by Turgut Dincer, Wayne hammond,
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
(http://www.pgdp.net)
from page images generously made available by
Internet Archive
(https://archive.org)
| Note: | Images of the original pages are available through Internet Archive. See https://archive.org/details/bookoffriendship00kauf |
2
3
THE BOOK OF
FRIENDSHIP
A LITTLE MANUAL OF
COMRADESHIP
By
REGINALD WRIGHT KAUFFMAN
PHILADELPHIA
HENRY ALTEMUS COMPANY
4
Copyright, 1909, by
HOWARD E. ALTEMUS.
5
THE BOOK OF
FRIENDSHIP
6
7
THE BOOK OF
FRIENDSHIP
When I have attemptedto join myself toothers by services, itproved an intellectualtrick,—no more. They eatyour service like apples, and leaveyou out. But love them, and theyfeel you, and delight in you all thetime.
’Tis for my love,—’tis for my friend alone,
And not for any rate that friendship bears
In heaven or on earth.
Old friends are the only oneswhose hold is upon our inmost being;others but half replace them.
True friends appear less mov’dthan counterfeit.
It is sublime to feel and sayof another, I need nevermeet, or speak, or write tohim; we need not reënforceourselves, or send tokens of remembrance;I rely on him as onmyself; if he did thus and thus, Iknow it was right.
A true Friendship is as wise asit is tender. The parties to ityield implicitly to the guidance oftheir love, and know no other lawbut kindness.
Friendship is a vase,which, when it is flawedby heat or violence or accident,may as well bebroken at once; it can never betrusted after. The more gracefuland ornamental it was, the moreclearly do we discern the hopelessnessof restoring it to its formerstate. Coarse stones, if they arefractured, may be cemented again;precious stones never.
Friendship’s the wine of life.
Bold I can meet—perhaps may turn his blow;
But of all plagues, good Heaven, thy wrath can send,
Save, save, oh! save me from the candid friend.
How often we find ourselvesturning our backs on our actualFriends, that we may go and meettheir ideal cousins.
Common friendships willadmit of division; onemay love the beauty ofthis, the good humor ofthat person, the liberality of athird, the paternal affection of afourth, the fraternal love of a fifth,and so on. But this friendshipthat possesses the whole soul, andthere rules and sways with anabsolute sovereignty, can admit ofno rival.
Friendship is a sheltering tree.
We love everything onour own account;we even follow ourown taste and inclinationwhen we prefer ourfriends to ourselves; and yet it isthis preference that alone constitutestrue and perfect friendship.
Friendships begin with liking orgratitude.
In friendship I early was taughtto believe.
14
Thou’rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow,
Hast so much wit and mirth and spleen about thee,
That there’s no living with thee, or without thee.
Is made more sacred by adversity.
Love and friendship exclude oneanother.
Friendship is a severesentiment, solidly seated,since it rests upon allthat is highest in us,the purely intellectual part of us.What happiness to be able to sayall that one feels to someone whocomprehends one to the very endand not only up to a certain point,to someone who completes one’sthought with the same word thatwas on one’s lips, someone thereply of whom starts from one atorrent of conceptions, a flood ofideas!
And proves by thumps upon your back
How he esteems your merit,
Is such a friend that one had need
Be very much his friend indeed
To pardon or to bear it.
Judge before friendship, thenconfide till death.
Have no friend not equal toyourself.
Separate thyself fromthine enemies, and takeheed of thy friends. Afaithful friend is a strongdefence; and he that hath foundsuch an one hath found a treasure.Nothing doth countervail a faithfulfriend, and his excellency is invaluable.A faithful friend is themedicine of life; and they thatfear the Lord shall find him.
Thou may’st be sure thathe that will, in private,tell thee of thy faults, isthy friend, for headventures thy dislike, and dothhazard thy hatred; there are fewmen that can endure it, every manfor the most part delighting inself-praise, which is one of themost universal follies thatbewitcheth mankind.
Once let friendship begiven that is born ofGod, nor time nor circumstancecan change itto a lessening; it must be mutualgrowth, increasing trust, wideningfaith, enduring patience, forgivinglove, unselfish ambition, and anaffection built before the Throne,which will bear the test of timeand trial.
Friendship is a field which onesows.
A man that is fit to makea friend of must haveconduct to manage theengagement, and resolutionto maintain it. He must usefreedom without roughness, andoblige without design. Cowardicewill betray friendship, and covetousnesswill starve it. Folly willbe nauseous, passion is apt to ruffle,and pride will fly out into contumelyand neglect.
Some look to friendshipfor absolute exemptionfrom criticism, and for amutual admiration withoutlimit or conditions. Othersmistake it for the right of excessivecriticism, in season and out ofseason.
Of what use is the friendliestdisposition even, if there are nohours given to Friendship, if it isforever postponed to unimportantduties and relations?
What is loving—thatverb (amare) wherefromthe very nameof friendship (amicitia)is derived—but wishing oneto enjoy the best possible goodfortune, even if none of it accruesto one’s self?
Even the utmost good-will andharmony and practical kindnessare not sufficient for Friendship,for Friends do not live in harmonymerely, as some say, but in melody.
Think of the importanceof Friendship in theeducation of men. Itwill make a man honest;it will make him a hero; it willmake him a saint. It is the stateof the just dealing with the just,the magnanimous with the magnanimous,the sincere with thesincere, man with man.
The admirer is never stupid inthe eyes of the admired.
One of the surest evidencesof friendship that one individualcan display toanother is telling himgently of a fault. If any other canexcel it, it is listening to such a disclosurewith gratitude, and amendingthe error.
We never exchange more thanthree words with a Friend in ourlives on that level to which ourthoughts and feelings almosthabitually rise.
If thou wouldst get a friend,prove him first, and be nothasty to credit him; for someman is a friend for his ownoccasion, and will not abide in theday of thy trouble. And there isa friend who, being turned to enmityand strife, will discover thy reproach.Again, some friend is a companionat the table, and will not continuein the day of thine affliction.
Friendship is a pactwhere one balancesfaults and qualities.One can judge a friend,take account of what is good,neglect what is evil, and appreciateexactly his value, in abandoningone’s self to an intimate,profound and charming sympathy.
Who himself knows how to be a friend.
27
We do not wish forFriends to feed andclothe our bodies,—neighborsarekind enough for that,—but to dothe like office to our spirits. Forthis few are rich enough, howeverwell disposed they may be.
Friendship closes its eye, ratherthan see the moon eclipst; whilemalice denies that it is ever at thefull.
Son, if the lintels of thyhouse are lofty, and thyfriend be sick, say not:What shall I send to him?Go thou rather on foot, and seehim with thy eyes; for that is betterfor him than a thousand talentsof gold or Silver.
We must love our friends as trueamateurs love paintings: they havetheir eyes perpetually fixed uponthe fine qualities, and see noothers.
Nothing is so difficultas to help a Friend inmatters which do notrequire the aid ofFriendship, but only a cheap andtrivial service, if your Friendshipwants the basis of a thoroughpractical acquaintance.
Demand alliance, and in friendship burn.
30
The hour of fate to those we love,
Each pearl that leaves the broken string
Is set in Friendship’s crown above.
As narrower grows the earthly chain,
The circle widens in the sky;
These are our treasures that remain,
But those are stars that beam on high.
31
There is nothing morebecoming any wise man,than to make choice offriends, for by them thoushalt be judged as thou art; letthem therefore be wise and virtuous,and none of those thatfollow thee for gain; but makeelection rather of thy betters, thanthy inferiors.
True friendship is like soundhealth: the value of it is seldomknown until it be lost.
A woman’s friendshipborders more closelyon love than man’s.Men affect each otherin the reflection of noble or friendlyacts; whilst women ask fewerproofs and more signs and expressionsof attachment.
Be slow in choosing a friend,slower in changing.
A true friend to a man is afriend to all his friends.
33
Half a word from yourfriend says more to youthan many phrases, foryou are accustomed tothink with him. You comprehendall the sentiments which animatehim, and he knows it. You aretwo intelligences which add to andcomplement each other.
Sweet’ner of life! and solder of society!
34
Friendship is first,Friendship last. But itis equally impossible toforget our Friends, andto make them answer to our ideal.When they say farewell, thenindeed we begin to keep themcompany.
In friendship we see the faultswhich may be prejudicial
